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Online Dating

These days all I hear about is online dating. Friends and I have discussed it ad nauseam, so much so, when I decided to write about it, a very dear friend challenged me not to until I tried it. Well, I did. I went in with an open mind and came out with relatively the same feelings I had before signing up. It’s all pretty much the same. It wreaks of desperate, lonely people, who don’t know how to communicate effectively, using a mediator to help them find love. Admittedly, that may be a bit brash, but, it’s still a broad overview of my thoughts on the subject, and yes, I know this doesn’t represent every person.  So don’t shoot me for having an opinion. Again…I tried it, remember?

So here goes…

I was talking to a girlfriend whose husband passed away a couple of years ago.  She expressed how she’s finally ready to start meeting people again but it was all so new to her that she decided to give online dating a try on the advice of a friend. As a result, she’d met a few guys but wasn’t impressed with any and her experience didn’t seem unlike any you’d have meeting someone at the mall. Immediately, I began to rail about how I thought it was pointless.  The sites consist of predatory men preying on weak minded women. Mind you, the woman I’m talking to is far from weak. She laughed and told me I had no business writing about something I hadn’t experienced for myself or researched and proceeded to tell me what site to join.  She was relentless!  Would not give up!  I signed up before we hung up the phone. This chick is a better sales person than me, seriously. I bought it…lock, stock and barrel.

I signed up for two sites: one free and the other paid. The free site was comical.  My phone was going off nonstop!  “Hey beautiful…” I couldn’t take it anymore, so I turned the alert off after the second day. The number of 40-somethings with wife beaters, throwbacks, and bare chest pics was nauseating. I thought, “really?” The paid site on the other hand, was a bit more refined.  After all, $60 to meet someone isn’t cheap. On the other hand, “boys” standing in front of their boats, homes and toys aren’t impressive either; it speaks volumes about what you’re trying to convey, and this girl is looking for more substance. I gave the free site, two weeks and deleted it; the paid site, two months. I found myself communicating with more than one man daily and I simply don’t have that kind of time on my hands. The attention was great but time consuming.

In my quest, I’ve realized a few things about online dating, especially for those who wish to be married:

Know what you want. If you truly have no idea, then you’re just having a good time. Don’t say you’re interested in marriage if you aren’t.
Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your time going back and forth with someone who is clearly not interested in monogamy. We’re grownups here.  A middle school kid can figure some of these things out.
Be you. You’re on a website. You have nothing to lose. Be yourself, unapologetically.
Don’t let attraction be the driving force. While it is important, it isn’t most important. People post their absolute best pictures. If you don’t find that they’re tall enough; cute enough, look deeper at their goals, philosophy on life etc., and if that doesn’t add up, keep it moving.
Be on guard. A lot of crazy things are happening in the world. There are LOTS of weirdos out there. Don’t be so quick to meet, especially outside of very public places and be aware of your surroundings.
Talk Talk Talk. Online dating is really no different from meeting someone at the mall, except, you haven’t met them in person. Would you go out on a date the very first time you met someone in a grocery store? Probably not, at least not until you’ve had a few conversations with them over the phone. Why do it with someone you haven’t even met?
Everyone isn’t lonely. So, I realized that not everyone is lonely, some people are just busy and don’t seem to meet very many people socially. Some are social retards and simply don’t know how to approach a woman (yes, I said approach a woman). Some of us still like to be approached…no, MOST of us. I was very upfront with a few of the men I encountered, and they were forthcoming in their answers. For instance, I asked a few of the Christian men I had the pleasure of meeting, why they were online? Why hadn’t they approached someone at church and their reply was simple, “I’m at church. That’s not what my mind is on,” or “I don’t think ladies want to be bothered at church.” I told them, “we do.” I find this response interesting because I know so many beautiful women in the church who have been waiting to be approached by that guy. Women who spend a ton of time volunteering alongside men who do the same, but they never even bother to stop and ask a woman out for coffee after service. One gentleman, said to me, “I just never thought it was the place,” and I interjected with, “But you’ve probably gone fishing with one of the men you’ve met, or maybe met him at a bar to watch the game.” He told me I was right and I had given him a new perspective. I get that church is a place of worship and understand the purpose for our being there, but, if it’s the brook you’re called to, shouldn’t you be open to all that it has to offer? I’m talking to the saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled deep Christians right now, but I digress.
It’s like a catalog. Almost instantly I noticed how I was thumbing through profiles as if looking through a Christmas catalog. Yes, looks aren’t everything, but there must be some attraction, so swipe left if you aren’t feeling it.
Don’t be afraid to ask deep questions. If they can’t handle the heat, they’ll leave the kitchen.
Don’t get too personal. It’s social media after all. No one wants to lay all their business out there. Save something for dinner.
Be honest. If you aren’t interested in marriage, make sure it’s in your headline. There’s nothing more unattractive than a liar. Your headline shouldn’t say “looking for love” if you aren’t. You’re looking for a lay. I get it, that won’t get you a right swipe, but, these days, it can get you jail time. Here’s the thing, there are women that are okay with being a friend with benefits, but there are many who are not, and hurt feelings can bring about bitterness and bitterness breeds vengefulness. Be careful fellas.
It’s like interviewing. You’re basically interviewing one another to see if you’re date worthy.
Don’t take the sites seriously. Seriously, you shouldn’t. It’s social media. Have fun.
No-You’re not getting ahead of God. The very notion of that is ridiculous. So much so, I won’t give it much space here.

Whether trying to get laid or looking for love, online dating is simply another tool, no different from meeting someone at the mall or in a grocery store. It’s simply a quicker way of separating the weeds from flowers. Don’t see it as the ‘end all be all’ to dating or meeting someone. Don’t see it as a ‘last resort,’ but as just another avenue- If you have that kind of time. I don’t.

I leave you with this. Enjoy your life, right where you are. Don’t allow not having a mate to sour your holidays. Don’t allow it to dampen the things you wish to enjoy in life. This life is yours, you own it. YOU enjoy it.

Just my thoughts. What are yours?

Lisa C.



An Act Of Honor

As I write this I’m literally sitting across from a lady in the bookstore. When I walked in I asked her, “is anyone sitting here,” in the chair across from her. Her reply, “no.” A couple of moments ago, her husband walked up, looked at her, then looked at me, and she looked at him as if to say, “what?” He walked away.

I don’t like to read into things much, but this situation reminded me of a texting conversation I’d had with one of my little brothers. He’d forwarded a video of a popular female minister discussing women honoring their husbands and what that means. He asked if I agreed and I did, wholeheartedly. He never responded with whether he did or not, usually doesn’t, but, I appreciate our thought provoking texts nonetheless.

Simply put, honor means to hold in high respect, as for worth, with merit, or rank. This might seem elementary, yet as a single person looking from the outside in, I see so much of the opposite in many of the marriages I observe. How do we break the cycle? When do we set aside pride and choose to live long and joyful lives? By this I mean preferring someone else above yourself; their needs, wishes, desires. That’s what we do for people we respect and esteem highly. “This chick isn’t married…” I hear ya. It actually brings a smile to my face just thinking about it, but, let’s deal with what’s real. Who we are daily as individuals, with our friends and family, that’s who we are. If we practiced this in our everyday lives with parents and close friends, our best friends, I believe there would be more happy marriages all around. Remember, we’re only dealing with the area of honor. Who we are before we meet someone, is who we are after we meet them. The issue is, we have a tendency to present the person we like better in the beginning; the respectful, loving, kind person is the one we tend to show off in the early stages of the relationship.

Desire to be a better person to the people that are already in your life, so that the new future mate gets what’s real and not the counterfeit.  Bear in mind, they’re doing and saying all the right things as well, until they don’t, and then they don’t again, and human fallibility shows up, and pet peeves are challenged…suddenly, they’re no longer perfect, but, normal, the relationship is no longer perfect in your eyes, but, normal, thus this gives us the license to be more lax in the area of humility, for example: You’ve been married for 2 years now and you’re tired of him leaving his shoes by the front door. He just doesn’t “seem” to care that you like things neat and tidy, so, instead of pushing them aside or putting them away, you throw them in the trash. You not only throw them in the trash, but, you decide to let everybody in the family know about it, including your friends and couldn’t care less what he thinks about it. Perhaps a bit extreme, but, you get the point- no honor.

Let’s check our own honor record:

  • Every movie you go see with your friends must be one you choose.
  • Your best friend can never rely on you to go to a restaurant they like, if you don’t.
  • You can’t have a conversation without cutting people off – Your parents can’t finish a sentence without you interrupting by finishing the sentence for them or implying that you know what they’re about to say.
  • While others are speaking you’re thinking of your response.
  • You always have the last word.

All of the aforementioned are examples of pridefulness; always esteeming ourselves higher. How about instead, we do the following:

  • Bite the bullet and see a movie your friend wants to see for a change, even if they’re taste is a little quirky.
  • So you’re not impressed with the food at the restaurant your friend chose, eat light and enjoy the company.
  • LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN – Stop talking. Affairs often start because someone else listened.
  • Listen without assumption, as though you just might learn something new.
  • Learn to be silent for the sake of peace, not argument. Who cares about winning an argument if you have no peace. Ask yourself before having the last word, “is it worth it?”

No, I’m not married, but, I’ve recognized that I’ve not always been a good friend. Redundancy bores me, friends who whine get on my nerves, and hearing them complain about the same things over and over again can be absolutely exhausting, and believe me, I’m pretty vocal about it, but, I give them room to be who they are without quarrel, recognizing that everything good about them outweighs my personal annoyances. And most of all, my life is a better because they’re in it, and the value they bring to my life far outweighs their shortcomings.

I wonder how much richer our lives would be if we purposed to be better friends, kids, parents and mates, by simply acting with more honor.  What say you?

Let’s chat!







Boredom and loneliness stems from not having anything constructive to do.  We typically find ourselves bored and lonely at the end of the day or weekend because we have not filled our lives with any meaningful activities.  I mean constructive; empowering, insightful and encouraging activities that involve not only ourselves, but others.

When was the last time you…

  • Volunteered (to help encourage others)
  • Read a good book (to gain insight)
  • Went to a lecture (listened to one) or learned something new (to empower yourself to become better or sharpen the saw)
  • Joined a bible study
  • Had a bible study at your own house
  • Volunteered at your local church (And actually served with gratitude and gladness as if your livelihood depended on it, like you do your job)
  • Went to a movie by yourself
  • Traveled by yourself and explored a city or countryside

And most importantly, when was the last time you ever took time out to seek God about what it is he’s calling you to do?  What is that thing you’re good at, that you do sweatlessly and without effort, that can be used to build the kingdom?  If you’re bored and lonely, examine your life, judge yourself and ask, “have I really dedicated this life to Him,” then act accordingly.

Single friends, even married ones, often ask me if I get lonely, and honestly, I don’t have time to be lonely.  Between what I do in ministry, whether it’s at Metro Life Church, Bridge of Acadiana, my own personal ministry, or anything I’m summoned to do for family, and/or professionally, there just isn’t much room for boredom.  But I have been bored when some of these things somehow weren’t a priority in my life.  I love my solace, because between everything I just mentioned, I don’t have time for much of anything else.  The most important people in my life have been met at every place I’ve mentioned.

Get busy about the Fathers business and you’ll find yourself living a much more fulfilling life.  (Luke 2:49)  Now THAT my friends, is WWJD.